By Alexa Tonn
Praying; it sounds easy, right? Fold your hand's bow, your head and ask God for forgiveness or whatever your heart desires. Many of us were taught this routine from a young age, and it can begin to feel repetitive and superficial. We've been told to give our everything to God, and if it is within His power, He will fix it. But what if nothing is happening? What if your life isn't changing? What if, prayer after prayer, you feel more and more empty? After a while, are we praying, or are we just asking? I realized a time ago I was asking God to fix my problems. In such darkness, I was beginning to believe I was unimportant, a disappointment to myself, my family, and God. Time was running out. If I were important, God would indeed heal me from my inner demons. All these things are lies I believed for a long time.
I got myself out of that dark mindset. I started seeing a therapist that helped me understand more about myself and why I am the way I am. As a result, I became more confident and strong in who I am, bringing me back to where God resided. Church and small group were a part of my weekly routine, but my relationship with God was still at the shallow end. I may have been brought back into God's atmosphere, but I wasn't praying and worshiping as I should. I felt like I had fallen flat on my face only to get up alone. My heart was slowly being led back to God, but it was at a slower pace because I felt like my trust had been shaken.
When the pandemic hit last year in March, I panicked. My anxiety was through the roof, my job was in jeopardy, and my future was becoming uncertain. I began to spiral down a dark path again, and this time I couldn't see my therapist because of the pandemic. I was stuck, and I wasn't the only one; the whole world was stuck. I counted my blessings that my family was safe and healthy, but everyone still dealt with the fear of the unknown. The only thing I could think to do was to pray. So I started praying every night, and this time not just for myself, but for people I didn't know; those in the hospital, family, friends, our neighbours, and in general the world. That sounds like a lot, but I would pray for whatever felt like my heart was telling me to. I hadn't felt that in a while - God speaking to me through prayer. I also embarked on honouring God and thanking Him for His glory, healing and wisdom during these uncertain times. I was looking forward to my nighttime chats because I could genuinely sit in solitude and talk to God about where my head was at. My everyday struggles and burdens now felt so much lighter because I could trust God's path.
Philippians 4:6-7 (written by Paul)
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
I truly believe one of the reasons God didn't heal me directly is because my faith was flawed. I was praying because I was at my wit's end, and I didn't know what to do. In my heart, I don't think I really thought God could fix me; I felt left behind by God, but then, at the same time thinking He could heal all my problems. I was misguided and wavering. I learned that we can't control and manipulate God's will. Yes, it is written that we should lay down our worries and ask for peace and resolution. But nowhere is it written that God will change our lives and troubles immediately because of what we pray for. There are numerous stories in the Bible where Jesus's disciples or followers suffered greatly. Whether they were hunted, tortured, poor, or disrespected. Instead of praying for their problems to go away, they thanked Him for what they had. How often do you thank God for the fantastic things in your life? Or better yet, how often do you pray for God to give you peace during a rough time in your life? Our prayers for peace, gratitude and solitude are what will provide us with the full faith-filled life we are looking for. We are still filled with joy no matter the circumstance, because our hearts and minds are with the peace of God, and we will be fine no matter what happens.
I'm not saying you can never complain to God or ask for healing, but turn your awareness to the good in your life, knowing that you battle through the hard times with God by your side. God provides us with recovery in different ways; listen to Him and trust in His path for you. You might be surprised by what He puts in front of you.
Matthew 6:5-8 (words of Jesus)
"When you pray, don't be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
"When you pray, don't babble on and on as the Gentiles do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. Don't be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!
This is where solitude and prayer coincide. All of our walls are brought down when we're alone. We were meant to sit in prayer or in silence with God. Tonight pray to God and be honest. Talk to Him like He is your best friend. He already knows everything about you and loves you regardless. If you are feeling shame, ask for forgiveness of your sins. If you feel hopeless or afraid, ask for guidance and for Him to send His angels for protection. If you feel joyous, thank our heavenly Father for the amazing life you live and pray for others around you.
Prayer is our direct line to Christ, and we need to value it more than anything. Be brave, and believe He is right beside you. He loves you, and He is always listening.
Hi there, I’m Alexa! I am a 24 year old freelance graphic designer, and photographer. My passion is to create neat designs and take pictures of amazing people along the way. I spend most of my time illustrating on my iPad, catching up on every Netflix series, or napping with my cats. I am the third sibling of four sisters and I basically spend most of my evenings yelling to gain
attention for more than 2 minutes. God is
always at the centre of what I do, and He is
always pushing me to be a better version of myself.