By Chloe Taitinger
I think most of us can agree that this year and a half has been one-of-a-kind. I can
personally say that life has thrown many things at me recently; a global pandemic, my parents divorce, a messy break up, senior year, graduation, lay-offs, quitting my job, saying goodbye to nearly all my high school friends...all within a span of 18 months. I have learnt many lessons since this whole Covid thing started, some the hard way. But I think what changed me the most is the acceptance of human failure.
Sounds pretty dark, but let me explain. The 16 year old I was at the start of the pandemic
was completely reliant on the wrong things. I needed external validation in order to feel an
ounce of self confidence, leading to me placing all my hope and self worth in the people I was close to. My relationships dictated my decisions, my mood, and my general outlook on life. If they were failing (and most of the time they were), so was I- you could say that my worldly relationships were really everything I had. So, when each and every relationship in my life went to dirt right in front of my eyes, all at once, I was left with absolutely nothing. Every time I turned to cling onto something or someone else, circumstances ended up dragging that away from me too. If you're a 'people person' like I am, you'll understand that functioning on your own with no connections to anyone is extremely difficult. About 4 months into Covid, I was the only person I really had, whether that was because of others or myself. I was lonely and confused as to why every connection I had ended up crumbling all at the same time. Every time I would turn around expecting my people, they wouldn't be there. I didn't know why. I struggle with this to this day, and I think it'll always be a constant struggle for me. But now I know how to navigate it.
I believe God isolates people when He is trying to show them something. I can tell you right now that I would have never learnt to lean on Him instead of people around me, or relying on myself, if I hadn't seen the consequences of the way I was going, and evidently He knew that (of course). I think this is a problem many teenagers face during junior high and high school, because that's the period of time when you grow into your feet and start becoming your own person. My mentors would always advise me and everyone else my age to place our hope and trust in Christ alone: we've all heard that at some youth service, haven't we? It seemed like such an obvious bit of wisdom everyone always talked about that I had never once actually stepped back and gave it some thought. I think we can be told the same good piece of advice over and over, but unfortunately sometimes it'll only sink in once you've lived it for yourself. God could definitely see my future pain coming from a mile away, and He knew it was best that I be put in a position where my first line of defence, my people, were no longer accessible. I have witnessed my friends and family fail me, fail each other, and I have failed them equally as much. The reality is that this is never going to change, and no matter how hard any of us try to avoid it, the truth is that we are imperfect. Everyone we know will eventually fail us, and we will fail them, which is why we need to stop trying to place all our hope and trust in people and instead turn to God.
He is the only one who will remain constant. He will never lie, fail, gossip, or leave us. His promises are the only ones we know will never be broken. In my period of isolation, I slowly
but surely started to realize that even when people walked away from me, He ran towards me. He had gotten me through the worst 18 months of my life, and while my life circumstances haven't changed that much, I know He is still there. My reliance on Him has helped me rebuild previous relationships or pursue new, healthier ones that only add to my life rather than take away from it. My relationships are still crazy important to me and play a massive part of my life: I still try my absolute best to be a trustworthy and authentic person, as we all should, but I'm at peace when they end or fall off because I know my most important relationship will never deteriorate. Now, I choose to take human failure (including my own) as a reminder that this is not our final destination, and it gives me hope that one day I will forever be with the One who never fails.
Hey! I’m Chloe, and I am an 18 year old attending Hope City church. I grew up in a Christian home all my life and am passionate about ministering to others. I have the awesome opportunity to lead worship at my church, I love all things hockey and I’m currently pursuing a career in Speech Language Pathology for young children :)